I have to say that ever since I found out about Melody Ross' Brave Girls Club, she has been my hero. The daily truths and inspiring messages always seem to say exactly what I need to hear. I am on a kick of sorts to try to figure myself out, to find the real me under all the pretending. I absolutely love Brave Girls Club and Scrapbooking From the Inside Out, which is a fabulous kit club and mb who's goal is to get you to think about you. Rachel, the owner, calls it scrap therapy, and while I haven't gotten to dive into the challenges there, I have written them down so that I can scrap the hidden pieces of me. I wonder if some of the reason I haven't started her challenges is because I am afraid of the real me. Afraid that I am exactly how I see myself maybe? Or that I I still haven't found myself and I am going to hit the big 3-0 this next year.
Reading Melody's latest blog post really brought tears to my eyes. She talks about how she sees herself when she looks in the mirror, how mean she is to her own image. And even though I see beauty when I see her photos, I know how she feels. I feel like the ugly, fat chick who looks plain and tired and stressed all the time. All I ever see is the fat and the dark circles under my eyes. And I have this mental block that I can't seem to get past. I HATE looking at myself in photos, in the mirror. When people tell me how cute I look or how good a photo looks, I smile and say thanks, but deep down don't see it, can't believe it.
I know that this isn't really scappy related, but at the same time maybe it really is. I feel like I hold back on my pages sometimes, like I don't want to expose more of myself than I have to. I know I fear rejection, I always have. And by not putting all of me into my work, I can shield myself from some criticism. My challenge to myself is to let go of that inhibition and see what direction it takes my work. I am sure that this is going to take some time and I will more than likely resort back to where I am now. Which is not bad. I don't think my current work is bad in any way, I just feel like I can make it more personal. And my other challege is to explore the Scrapbooking From the Inside Out challenges. To really think on the and at least get my feelings out.
Funny, I started this post as a kind of self-therapy session to myself and have ended it with some scrap-related challenges. For those who have read this all the way through, thanks for letting me ramble! And I promise that the next posts will be completely scrap related!!